Thursday, June 19, 2014

Throwback Thursday - 15 Years of Marriage

I've spent the last 17 years of our existence trying to use words to tell you how much I love you. I used to write you letters - after we had spent 18 out of 24 hours together - confessing how much I loved you and how much you meant to me. (Which reminds me: where are those letters? We really should burn them.) As inadequate as I've found words to be in expressing this love, I'm going to try again.

When we made our vows 15 years ago, I suspected some of them might be hard to keep. (Even after we omitted the word "obey".) As it turns out, "Forsaking all others and keeping only unto him," has been the easiest promise I ever made.

There is no one like you. 7 billion people on the earth and none compares favorably to you. You're my favorite person, past or present.

17 years ago you'd walk by and I'd think, "I love that boy."

Today - after fights and growing up and giving birth and losing a baby and moving and crying and learning not to be selfish and saying goodbye to people we love and choosing to do the right thing even when it was lonely and holding on tight because we were all we had - I see you across a room and I still think, "I love that boy."

I know your faults - better than anyone - and you know mine. But I'd rather deal with your faults than anyone else's strengths. And despite my faults, you still treat me like I'm worthy and beautiful and funny, rather than flawed, bitter, & neurotic.

We both know I'm not a "people pleaser". I don't spend a lot of energy trying to make other people happy. But you are the exception. I so much desire to make you happy every day. A day where I don't make you laugh is not a good day.

You - we both know this is true - are not a good gift giver. But that's OK because your smile and your time, your attention and your joy in just being with me, those are my favorite gifts that you give me anyway.

So, we didn't get to go on our big trip this year. Moving and EVERYTHING WE OWN breaking down and dental issues and so on (otherwise known as real life) have postponed all those plans we made about our next overseas trip.

I'm OK with that. I'd rather be with you, doing real life stuff, than with anyone else going to exotic places and doing anything else.

So, fifteen years in and I still get to be be your Leia ("I am not a committee."), and Leeloo ("Multipass!") and Arwen ("I choose a mortal life."), or, if you prefer, Eowyn ("I am no man."). And I will listen to you describe your game designs and I will cheer for you and sometimes I'll even play.

And you will continue to be my Mr. Darcy, Mr. Knightley, Henry Tilney, Captain Wentworth, Gilbert Blythe, John Thornton, & Percy Blakeney all in one. I'll base some characters in my stories on you, even though critics might say my heroes "aren't realistic" because they're just too amazing. What do they know about romantic heroes anyway?

Marriage to you has been better than a dream come true, because no matter how good I imagined it would be (and we both know my imagination can be quite wild), it is far better than I ever could have dreamed.
What do the next 15 years hold? I don't know. Probably weddings, and maybe even our first grandbabies, and maybe more moving (please, no!), and more than a few fights and then making up, more dental visits than we care to think about, and hopefully at least another trip to England (or two...) and across the country to see the ocean again, and more reading, writing, talking, dreaming, praying, singing, scolding, enduring, loving, and more just plain living than we can imagine at this moment. 

I may have only been 18 when I committed to God and you in front of all our friends and family (and those people neither of us knew) to love you for all of my life. I know I had no conception of how long or short that might be, or what that really meant. But I can tell you this now, 15 years later, older and wiser and way more exhausted: if I had 100 lives to live, I would choose you every time.

Previous anniversary posts: 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013.
Throwback Thursday: 30 Things I've Learned About Marriage

5 comments:

Philip said...

I love that girl!

You're the best--sorry I can't match your wordsmithing, but you are everything to me. Can't wait to see how the next 15 years (and many more) turn out!

Kris said...

Okay, that just brought me to tears! Happy Anniversary!!

Elisabeth said...

Yup, I'm teary eyed as well! But mainly because I've never been able to put into words my feelings for Brad and you basically nailed it for me! Our stories are very similar. Happy anniversary!

Karen said...

Thanks, Kris. I think I told you this before, but one happy memory I have of our wedding is your parents being there. I appreciated them making that trip very much.

Karen said...

Thanks, Liz. Words are always inadequate but I keep trying. ;)

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