Saturday, February 9, 2008

A Philosophical Moment

Fair warning here: this post is long and rambling as Karen is attempting to describe and figure out the unsearchable ways of God. I know, I know...

There is a situation my husband (Prince Charming) and I have been dealing with for awhile now. We haven't talked about it to others so my details here will have to be sketchy. (I feel some of you sighing with relief!) Suffice it to say that Prince Charming has a dream for our family that I didn't share. It would completely change life as we know it. I'm not even exaggerating. Being as I'm more of a "Let's not even talk about change unless it concerns changing Sweet Pea's britches" you can imagine that we weren't really seeing eye to eye. If I had a "submissive wife of the year" award it would totally be taken away.

Prince Charming being the wise and wonderful husband that he is decided that it would be prudent not to bring this up in my hearing again. Wise, wise man. But my conscience bothered me so I prayed about it. A Lot. Lest you think me some spiritual giant, let me confess that my prayers were something along this line:

"Dear God, please make Prince Charming forget all about this. Make him not want to do it. Help him see how terrible it would be for us. And if you can't do that, pleasemakemewillingtofollowhim, Amen."

Yeah, not going to win any "Most Spiritual" awards with that little doozy.

But a strange thing happened. My heart began softening. Through my prayers and my Bible study I heard the same message. I couldn't avoid the lessons I was learning. After many more prayers and more than a few tears (And I almost never cry. I'm just not that type of gal) I told Prince Charming that I was on board. After I picked him up off the floor He was pleased and began to pursue this goal, as he had been praying for me and telling God that he wouldn't do anything if I wasn't willing. Now we were excited. This was good.

And then, just about a week ago, it all fell through. We both feel like a balloon burst inside of us. The excitment, the assurance that we were doing what God wanted - just gone. We actually still feel like we were doing what God wanted, but it is not to be. And don't worry, it wasn't my delay that caused the problem. We can't help but take what happened a bit personally, as a rejection is never fun whether personal or not, but it isn't really something that can be blamed on any one person.

So, without getting into a big discussion about God's perfect will and God's permissive will, we are left wondering, "what happens now?" Why would God work such a huge change in my heart and mind if everything is going to stay the way it is? How do we get over feeling at loose ends?

So if you've read this far - and if you have you're a true friend! - what are your thoughts? Despite my cryptic description has anyone else gone through something like this? And maybe I'd feel better if I could stop thinking about Marilla Cuthbert and Rachel Lynde in the Anne of Avonlea miniseries.

Marilla (longsuffering tone): "What is to be, will be."
Rachel (know-it-all tone): "And what isn't to be sometimes happens!"
I hope this isn't blasphemous, but I think what "isn't to be" maybe just happened to us. And we're honestly o.k. with that. We've never been big on sitting around and wondering "What is God's will for us?" We believe that if you're doing what God wants every day in the "small" things, it will become evident what "big" things you are supposed to do.

Still, it does make us wonder what our Heavenly Father has in store for us now. And you know what? Whatever it is will be wonderful if it is HIS plan for us.


Jodi said...

Just read your post ... I'll be back to comment later ... I'm walking out the door for a Drs appointment ...


Amy D said...

Not knowing the situation this may or may not make sense.... but..

It is always hard to try and guess God's will and His purposes, and yet I find myself trying a LOT. Could it be that His purposes in this were not the life changing 'thing', but the lessons learned in the whole process? You allowed Him to change your heart and show true submissiveness to your husband. It sounds like you were completely supportive, by his side, excited even!

And your husband was loving and patient with you, and didn't force anything. He (and you) allowed God to fix the situation through prayer.

Very interesting post to me, because my husband and I have found ourselves on opposite sides of the life-decision fence way too often the past year or so. So you are an encouragement to me to "Take it to the Lord in Prayer" more often. :)

Thanks for sharing.

P.S.! I was about to publish this comment and had one more thought! Maybe it was also a refresher in trusting God for His direction? His plans not to harm us and for a hope and a future and all that? There I go.... guessing at His purposes again.... ;)

Jodi said...

One of my favorite verses to claim is in Isaiah "And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not and lead them in paths that they have not known I will make darkness light before them and crooked things straight these things will I do unto them and not forsake them"! Sometimes it seems the path is so dark and the way so crooked ... there are times when you are just so sure the LORD is leading you in a certain pathway and them all of a sudden you start hitting brick walls ... it's so confusing... we've been there! But I think maybe the LORD sends those things into our lives to remind us to stay close to HIM and not get so sure of ourselves. Start claiming those promises and reminding HIM that HE promised peace and direction ... and he will show you the way! Many times when we think we've hit a wall we turn around to see the LORD has a new door opened right before us in ways we could have never dreamed possible!

Keep trusting and keep looking up!


Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry said...

First of all, let me say that I understand the disappointment and confusion that comes when we believe we're following God's will and things go a different direction. In those situations, I don't pray for understanding; I just pray for peace.

I wonder if, in God's eyes, the fact that you were WILLING is more important than WHAT you were willing to do? I hope I'm making sense, but to me the victory for you may not have been that you got on board with The Plan, but that you asked and allowed God to change your heart. The journey, rather than the destination, may have been the point all along.

Amy Jane (Untangling Tales) said...

A new idea my mom once introduced to me regarding the will of God:

How often when we are anxiously "seeking" him do we consider we might already be where he wants us?


When we come up against what looks like a wall we must use discernment: Is this God saying you're going the wrong way, or is it God preparing to show himself mighty-- that something had to be proven humanly impossible before God would move.

Don't know if any of it relates, but I figured the vagueness of the answer at least didn't surpass the vagueness of the question ;o)

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